Some lines

15Sep08

‘How awfully forward of you? Who says I’ll play game?’ The alcohol was winning; hell, at the moment I could feel its warmth spreading through my veins like some lovely truth serum.

‘Who says you won’t?” The way she posed this question was borderline lewd in the sense of things. Not that I didn’t mind the attention, it was glorious in its foreseeable brevity. The buzzing fly of anxiety had bloomed into a full blown swarm, but this I didn’t mind, in fact it was preferable. It felt dangerous, she felt dangerous, and I felt lucky. Was this bad? Yeah, I guess so, but such is death.

Over the course of the night I got the chance to know her better and she got to know the illusion that was my being. I have personality, mind you, it’s just that it vaguely resembles the cynical asshole stuck in his own world. Life sucks, love sucks, and the only thing keeping us from offing ourselves is our fleeting beliefs in god. As conversation branched to the next I could tell my superficial wit and char was growing thin, most definitely due to drink and only catalyzed by her presence. The veneer was cracking but I had a feeling that she wouldn’t mind the cynical bastard that was the real me. I can’t quite remember exactly how much of my original paint shone through, again the drink’s issue, but the vibes were buzzing.

There are those feelings you get, when someone is so eerily close to your personality, that almost audible dissonance masking the silence between talking points. The nods of understanding, the finger running along the rim of the glass, the looks down and across; all the subtle flirting in the world and still that dissonance remains. Affection scares me outright and by all intents and purposes it was what she was initiating. Sex is not affection, sex is an action with a set goal that can be accomplished with relative ease or duty depending on your take of it. Affection isn’t as such. Affection has no goal, the only reason it exists is to exist.

Filed under: Uncategorized   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: affection, flirting, love